The Aspiring Adventist

Say Cheese!

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 23:28:14 -0400

This Sabbath I volunteered at the soup kitchen so I did not get to see my church family early in the morning as I usually do. Thinking about it caused me to reflect back to last week when seeing my church members really made a difference.

Last Friday I wore my little self out looking for jobs online (don’t even get me started). Anyway, I just felt kind of dull the rest of the night and that feeling just would not go away. I prayed, went to bed and had a restless night’s sleep. Saturday morning, I woke up feeling just as bland as the night before but I got ready as usual. That morning my mom drove and picked up another church member on the way, Clifton Carter. Brother Carter got in the car smiling, said good morning and had mom and me laughing at him in no time.

On the way to church we laughed and talked about church ministry, evangelism as well as shared some ideas for the future. I was feeling brighter before I even realized it and by the time we got to church, I was all smiles. As we walked in, my aunt Sheila, brother McCleary, sister McCleary and Thelma Phillips all of whom were smiling as well, warmly greeted us.

When I realized that I felt better all I could think was “thank you Jesus” and “wow, what a difference a little warmth makes”. I was so glad that I did not stay home sulking and feeling sorry for myself and I feel like I was rewarded for not doing that.

I felt really blessed and thought about my own attitude. How many times has my sour expression failed to cheer someone else up? How many times did I look uninviting or unapproachable and actually scare off a blessing? I was positively affected by something so small. I will definitely be more aware of how my attitude affects others from now on.

A Lesson in Forgiveness

Sat, 25 May 2013 20:23:28 -0400

I have a little friend whom I love very much. I have known him since he was a newborn baby, fresh out of the womb. I am going to refer to this friend as Dante. Dante is eleven going on twenty-one. He is at that awkward pre-teen stage in his life where he thinks he knows what is best (with his eleven years of life experience)

Dante told one too many lies and his father doled out some corporal punishment via a few swats on his bottom with a belt. Dante played it off like he was fine but secretly called the police on his father later on. When the police came he gave an Oscar-worthy performance and showed off his bruises (he was light-skinned). Dante thought that he would teach his father a lesson but what he did not know was that his not-so-well-off single father would now have a criminal record, which would make it even more difficult for him to keep the job he recently started, get future jobs and provide for the both of them. Dante did not think of his father possibly being hurt in jail (they hate child abusers) or the money lost from his days off from work. What Dante was the least conscious of was the fact that he could be placed in the foster care system and would not be able to live with his dad anymore.

Dante’s father is a friend of mine and I was really upset with Dante. I could not even look at him because I was so disgusted. He thought it was a game and did no have a clue as to the damage he caused. I did not know what to say, so I just avoided him and was cold to him when we were together. Of course, I knew I was wrong but I was hurt, disappointed and angry and thought it was best to stay away rather than say something I would regret later. All I could do was pray. I prayed that the whole shebang would be resolved but I also prayed that God would soften my heart towards Dante.

The Bible says ^“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). If God can forgive me for all the stuff I have done (willingly and with full knowledge of the consequences), surely I could forgive little Dante who made a rash and naïve mistake. The next time I saw Dante I was actually a little nervous. Would he forgive me? How do I broach up the topic? I hovered around making small talk until I could bring myself to say, “Um, the other day I was kind of mad with you and I was not very nice to you. I am sorry for treating you like that” (am I awkward or what). Then I felt both stupid and relieved because he said, “Oh, ok. I did not even know you were mad though. I thought you were just in a hurry”. And just like that, it was over. Dante is really blessed. He was a hair’s breath from being placed in foster care and is now living with one of his aunts. Best of all he has regular contact with his father. It is not the result everyone wanted but God has turned it in everyone’s favor and kept the family together.

A Prayer(6)

Sun, 05 May 2013 13:31:14 -0400

I am a shy person, so when I am asked to something that requires me to stand before a group of people I usually decline. Of course, I want to do my best for God so I am making an effort and saying, “yes” more often. One thing that I enjoy doing is praying. All I have to do is step to the mic and say, “Good morning church, please bow your heads and close your eyes” (or some variation thereof) and spill my guts to God. Everyone’s eyes are closed, no one is looking at me and my knees stop knocking together (as much).

I was asked to do opening prayer then teacher’s prayer the next week and I would like to share them with you.

Holy Spirit, come and fill this place. Embrace and comfort us as we gather together in the house of the Lord. Spring brings revitalization, renewal and new life. The vegetation is being restored after winter, which reminds us of how you were resurrected in a hardened, cold world, we rejoice in the new life that you bring and worship your name in the spirit of holiness. Please be with those that are on their way as well as those who cannot make it. May we continue to be led in the path of righteousness with earnest and loving hearts, *Bless the teachers as they are the vessels that contain your word. Be with them as they pour knowledge into us so that we may overflow with you spirit. In your holy name we pray, amen.

Merciful Heavenly Father, we humbly come into your presence with a spirit of praise. Thank you for bringing us through another week to see another blessed Sabbath day. You are the Great Teacher but you have impressed our Sabbath School teachers to instruct us in your word. Please be with them as they lead us. Let the words you speak through them take root in our hearts and may the Holy Spirit water us with your blessings so that our relationship with you will flourish. In your name we pray, amen.

In an effort to become more involved in my church, I went to the Sabbath School Council meeting and Sister Nance made a comment about how the youth run from prayer and do not participate. I agreed and reflected on my own actions. Even though I usually pray when I am asked, sometimes I am not so eager. It is not that I do not want to talk to God or am embarrassed but I tend to revert to a “go-to” prayer of sorts and repeat myself when I am put on the spot (I like to write them out beforehand).

When Brother Noakes asked me to pray again, I said “no”. I had done it the past few weeks (not that it meant anything). Then I remembered what Sister Nance said about running from prayer and I vowed right then and there that I would not say “no” anymore if anyone asked me to pray. So I changed my mind and said “yes!” I truly believe that God spoke to me through Sister Nance to bring my attention to something I could not see before.

This time I prayed: Loving Heavenly Father, we come to you with a grateful spirit, thankful that we can see another Sabbath day. It is chilly outside but please send your Holy Spirit to warm our hearts so that we may be receptive to what you have in store for us. Be with as we fellowship and worship today in the spirit of holiness. Amen.

A Prayer (5): A Prayer of Protection

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:56:58 -0400

Dear Heavenly Father, we humbly come before you bowing our heads in acknowledgement of your greatness. We come asking for your divine protection today. We are all walking targets and Satan is constantly attacking us, but you are our rock, our sword and our shield. Even when we are snared by Satan and step out of the bounds of your protection, you are always the one whom we can run to for cover, our first line of defense.

Satan tries to cripple us with various maladies so we cannot carry out your will so we ask that you heal us spiritually and physically and strengthen us as a church so we will not be caught unprepared when the enemy tries to cause turmoil in our camp. Please touch our minds so you are foremost in our thoughts. Touch our hearts and make it a storage place for your word. Finally, touch our hands so that the work we do will glorify you and be a blessing to others. In your holy name we pray, amen.

I Have to Tell It!

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:53:00 -0400

A while ago, I had the opportunity to share a testimony with my church family as well as pray as special prayer during the Sabbath School program in regards to attendance. And it goes a little something like this:

Good morning church,

The testimony I would like to share with you is that lately, I have really been enjoying church. I am changing mentally and spiritually in a good way and I am excited about it. My favorite part of church is Sabbath School. Do not get me wrong, I enjoy the sermon and the music but if the sermon is the main course, the music is the appetizer and Sabbath School is the salad. It whets my appetite for the spiritual meal to come. Not only that but Sabbath School is the only part of the service where we get to interact with each other on the mental level and have a meeting of the minds. I think it is wonderful that we can share our thoughts with each other as well as learn from each other. Because I enjoy Sabbath School, it makes me a little sad when so many people miss it. I have dreams of Sabbath School being attended like 11 o’clock service and of 11o’ clock service being packed! I want to come to church to fellowship with like-minded people. I have been too blessed not to come. I have truly been showered by God’s grace and I am so happy that I want everyone to feel like I do. I feel so happy that I want to sing about it. [In fact, I will (insert “Amazing Grace” here)]. Have a blessed Sabbath.

I took off my glasses, held my mom’s hand and closed my eyes (insanely nervous) and I sang “Amazing Grace”. I may be going abroad soon so I wanted to do that for her before I left. I thought I might chicken out so I would have just said, “Have a blessed Sabbath” and skipped the singing but I did it y’all! I sang for my mama! A little later I said my prayer for Sabbath School.

Father we humbly come before your throne of grace to pray a special prayer for Sabbath School. Some of us work hard all week but when it comes to Saturday we just forsake the holiness of your Sabbath and keep hitting snooze while taking your patience for granted. Please grant us receptive spirits. Change our hearts and minds so we are motivated and joyful about coming to Sabbath School. We pray that you will ease our weariness from the workweek and remove the weight from our shoulders before the Sabbath even begins so we can enjoy it in its fullness feeling relieved, refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to fellowship with our church family in Sabbath School. In your name we pray, amen.

An Eye for an Eye (Punch 4)

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 12:38:25 -0400

This is where it gets good. In the very next verse Jesus says, “But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also”. Jesus makes it clear that what he is about to say is in contrast with what the people are familiar with or what was typical (retaliation) by saying three simple words, “But I say”.

So, that “resist not evil” part seems a little odd. I mean Jesus wants me to resist evil right? True. Though again, I must consider the context. Considering the context of Jesus’ character and what he has said in the past, I know this cannot be all there is to understand about this text. Taking that tiny little part by itself makes it sound as if I am supposed to accept evil as opposed to reject it but in context of the whole verse, it means do not be so quick to run away, stand firm so you can exemplify the character of Jesus. After all, Jesus may have been meek but he was not weak! He did not run from the men possessed by demons, he stood firm yet showed compassion for the men by casting out their demons. Let me bring the example a little closer to home. Take our hardened and angry school-aged youth for example. In my experience (USA) teachers are usually not very well-respected by the students (especially in public, city schools) and because of the contention, many teachers disregard, dismiss or just plain give up on the students. However, there are some teachers that take on the challenge and form relationships with these students that change the students’ outlook and help them realize their worth and potential so they can make the most of their collective futures (see To Sir, with Love; Dangerous Minds and “Blackboard Wars” for reference). I believe that is what I am to do when I am faced with tough stuff. Of course, if it is too much to handle, I think I would say a quick prayer and split the scene.

What I like most about Matthew 5:38-39 is how verse 38 is often cited as saying “an eye for an eye” but the very next verse says, “turn the other cheek”. Seriously?! Why in the world would Jesus want us to retaliate against someone who has wronged us then tell us not to with the next breath? I realized the silliness and sadness of this when I started studying these verses. Amazing. It just reaffirms the need to read for myself and in context. Almost half of chapter 5 is even set up in the same “ye have heard…but I say unto you” format (check it out)! I do not think “turn the other cheek” means to accept abuse by the way. It just means that I should not get so easily offended or riled up. Some things I have to let slide for the sake of being Christ-like and I am fine with that. It is not the easiest thing to do but I am a laid-back, non-confrontational sort anyway, so it is not terribly difficult for me to do.

In my effort to read the Bible through, I just finished Matthew. It is only twenty-eight chapters and it is packed full of many of the Bible stories I had heard many times before but I learned so much in reading for myself and encourage others to do the same. I am finished with this “eye for an eye” mini-series and I am glad I can share what I have learned. Of course, there is much more for me to learn but at the very least I hope this promotes discussion about reading and understanding the Bible.

An Eye for an Eye (Punch 3)

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 01:58:47 -0500

So back to “an eye for an eye”, this week it is Deuteronomy 19: 21under the microscope. It reads as follows, (*ahem) ^“And thine eye shall not pity; but life shall go for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot”. At first glance, again it seems as if I am to indulge in the art of retaliation but looking at the big picture, I can see that the chapter covers “Cities of refuge for murders” and “Laws about Witnesses” (it is labeled in my Bible). Verse twenty-one, the last verse of the chapter, is the one in question and falls under “Laws about witnesses” but there is a worthwhile connection to “Cities of refuge for murders” which I will mention later.

I used the NIV version as a parallel to clarify in plain terms what is going on. I separated the law into three parts:

One witness is not enough to accuse someone of a crime, there must be two or more to establish an incident.
If the witness is suspected of lying, both the accused and accuser will stand trial and the matter is to be investigated.
If the witness is found to have given false testimony, whatever he intended to do to the accused will be done to him to purge the evil from among you.

Everyone else is to learn from this (then eye for eye etc.). So in this case, in addition to doling out an appropriate punishment, the punishment is meant as a cleansing tool to excise the evil from the community (which is what we do now with jail and whatnot).

“An eye for an eye” is not a license to retaliate; however, there are specific circumstances found in the previous verses (“Cities of refuge for murders”) that give more detail:

If someone murdered someone else without malice aforethought (premeditation) and harbored no ill will toward the victim (like if the head of you axe flies off and kills someone while you are chopping wood as the biblical example says), the murderer was to be allowed to escape to one of three cities to put distance between him and any potential avengers (I am not talking about Thor here folks)
If someone commits premeditated murder and flees to one of these cities of refuge, the town elders are to retrieve him and deliver him to the avenger to die.

The purpose was, again, to purge the evil of those who shed innocent blood. There was to be no pity for those who shed innocent blood.

Some may ask, “Why did God allow people to kill others, even if to purge evil? What happened to thou shall not kill?” Remember that back during the BC time, there were purification rituals, which were performed to remove one’s sins. In short, it was basically an “every man for himself” situation where if you sinned, you had to transfer your sins to a perfect lamb (via touch) and then slaughtered and offered as a sacrifice to God as a substitute for oneself. After Jesus died for all of our sins (as the sacrificial lamb) we no longer had to perform the ritual but still atone and ask forgiveness (I did not do a good job at connecting those things but I wanted to mention it). Yes God could have easily snuffed whomever he wanted without human involvement but I believe he was trying to teach his people something. Not only was it a test of obedience, it may have been that he wanted us (I am saying “us” now but referring to Israel back then) to feel the atrocity of taking a life so we would know just how terrible it was and be less inclined to take life for granted and take another’s so easily. Most important, it was an act of love. God did not want his people to be tainted by sin, so those who committed grave sins had to be eradicated for the spiritual safety of the whole. Imagine God having watched Adam and Eve brought to ruin with the aid of some outside force and watching that same thing happen to his people over and over again.

Of course this is just what I see from a little reading and studying on my own but it only reaffirms to me that I serve a loving God, though I may not always understand his actions. Deuteronomy 19:21, in context, is yet another verse that dispels the notion that “an eye for an eye” was meant to be a simple justification for retaliation. Next time Matthew 5:38! Good stuff!

I Have A Testimony (…cont.)

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 15:04:53 -0500

After I prayed, I waited and prayed some more. I did not worry or stress out but I prayed. The Monday morning of the taping I checked my email and there was a letter from school saying that I would not be granted my M.A. but I had fulfilled the requirements for a professional certificate and that they would retroactively enter me into the program so I could get my certificate for the Fall 2012 semester. Honestly, for a minute I was pissed. I felt like a failure and like all my hard work had gone to waste. Then I realized that God had answered my prayer. I asked for the situation to work out favorably so I would have a praise report to share and that is what happened. It did not happen the way I expected but I could have ended up with nothing at all and that realization changed my attitude in a heartbeat and all I could say was “thank you God!” (and then call my mom and tell her everything).

Up until the taping, there was a little confusion as to whether I would give a praise report or prayer request. Whatever I had to do I was prepared for but nervous and it got worse, the closer it came for me to speak on camera and in front of the congregation. With every scheduled portion that passed I got more and more anxious. Then, something amazing happened…technical difficulties. The live feed cut out before the speakers ahead of me took the floor and they had to improvise (with some fancy iPhone technology). After that I was skipped! My heart raced as I thought about making it to the end without having to say anything. I was in the process of trying to become invisible and melt into my seat when Pastor Franklin called me up front (face palm). He asked me to give a prayer request (cool, I didn’t have to tell all my school business just yet).

My prayer request was that in light of our congregation going through the process of discovering and utilizing our spiritual gifts, God would grant us an enthusiastic, refreshed spirit and that we would remember how we felt when we first came to know Christ and apply that attitude to our work for the church. Of course, I want to extend this prayer to cover all those who have a relationship with God and desire to do his will.

Whew! That was a lot! I really wanted to share this testimony though and I feel like I would be doing God a disservice not to. He worked out my school situation, changed my attitude and made it so that I did not have to be on TV (looking like a deer caught in the headlights). I find that even when I pray for something, sometimes I do not even realize that God has taken care of it but this was very specific and “wow”! I had to tell it!

I Have A Testimony

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 00:34:44 -0500

I have a testimony that I just have to share about the power of prayer. For the past six months I have been having a hard time in school. Basically I messed up big time and I was informed that I would not be receiving my M.A. in CSI after four semesters and about $80,000 of federal debt and without passing “Go” or collecting $200. Not only that, I could not reapply for admission. I was crushed. I poked, prodded and pleaded with my professors (very respectfully of course) and anyone else I thought could help me but the most pertinent thing I did was pray. I was scared, anxious, numb; all I could think was “if only I had…”.

My parents never pressured me or made me feel like I was worth any less for making mistakes and I love them for it. In other words, the monkey on my back was me. I knew that even though I could always depend on myself to get into an unsavory situation, I could only depend on God to get me out. In the midst of all that, my pastor called me and asked me to give a praise report for the live segment of “Let’s Pray” that was being filmed at my church. Now, I am notoriously shy and usually say “no” to actions that require me to stand in front of an audience but I opened my heart and just said “yes” (then I immediately regretted it and got nervous). I was having a hard time and had no clue what I was going to share because at that point I was not a happy camper.

From the time Pastor Taylor called me (Thursday 1/3/12) until the taping on 1/14/12 I had eleven days. I can rarely get anything involving school administration done on Fridays (everyone has mentally checked out by 12 pm) and weekends are unproductive so that gave me seven days to work on the school situation. Then I thought “eureka!” I will give a praise report about school. By then, hopefully I should have some good news. I let go of the reigns, stepped out on faith and trusted God fully. And no, I did not pray those “If you do this for me, I will never…again” or “I do not know what is going on God but your will be done” prayers (like Pastor Franklin mentioned to the effect of many an “amen” and head nods). I was open, honest and prayed for what I wanted while claiming his promises.

I prayed something like this: God, I come before you with a spirit of boldness but humbly as well. You are King of kings and Lord of lords and capable of all things great and small. You know the mess I am in and this situation is catastrophic. I am solely relying on the faith that you require of me and asking you to handle this problem. You said that if I ask I will receive (Matthew 7:7) and that you will be my refuge in the time of trouble (Psalm 9:9). Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast (Psalm 57:1). God I want you to work out my school situation favorably so I can have a praise report by the Monday of the taping at church. In fact, I believe that it will happen and I will be waiting for it so that I can share my testimony about the power of prayer and faith so that others may be encouraged; in your holy name I pray, amen.

To be continued…

An Eye for an Eye (Punch 2)

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 23:28:11 -0500

Last time I talked about Exodus 21:24 as the first of four biblical sources of the oft misquoted “An eye for an eye” verse. Round 2 focuses on Leviticus 24:20. Some scriptures are cut and dry, I can understand them easily without much brainpower on my part but others can be interpreted multiple ways so I make sure I regard them in context to their surround verses.

Leviticus 24:20 by itself, on the surface, appears to indicate that if someone deals me some damage I am to reciprocate in kind. However, in context of the surrounding verses, that interpretation is not quite right. In Leviticus 24 the Bible says,

15 And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Whosoever curseth his God shall bear his sin.

16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the Lord, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

17 And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.

18 And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.

19 And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;

20 Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.

21 And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.

There are a lot of “death[s] and “killeth[s]” in these verses but in combination, I see it the same way as Exodus 21:24; the punishment must fit the crime. I do not want to rely too much on the wording as the KJV Bible is translated from Greek and Hebrew text. However it is interesting to note that in some verses it is clear who is to receive punishment and who will administer the punishment but in others not so much. In verse 15 it is clear to me that the person that curses God will suffer the consequences of his sin at God’s hand (since God is the only one who can absolve that sin). In verse 16 it is clear that those guilty of blasphemy are to be stoned by the congregation (according to the law of the land at the time). Verse 17 specifies who should be punished, what the crime is, and what the punishment is but not who is to administer the punishment (and so on for the other verses). Perhaps the congregation is also in charge of punishment in all subsequent verses in the chapter.

The point is that in context, Leviticus 24:20 like Exodus 21:24 is not simply “an eye for an eye” or revenge but making sure that wrongs are met with a measured and appropriate response.

An Eye for an Eye (Punch 1)

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 18:01:30 -0500

I may or may not have mentioned it before but I am studying to become a Crime Scene Investigator. Lately I have been watching a lot of crime-themed TV shows like “48 Hours: Hard Evidence”, “Homicide Hunter”, “Dateline” and “Fatal Encounters”. In a lot of cases where revenge is the motive, “an eye for an eye” is often cited and more often than not with “The Bible says, “ or “Jesus said,” in front of it as if trying to justify criminal deeds.

For a long time, I was not sure whether “an eye for an eye” was a biblical concept or not but I never thought to look it up until I saw a list of commonly misquoted scriptures. “An eye for an eye” was on the list but there was no mention of the correct verse (go figure…). I just knew I had seen it somewhere before and finally I found Matthew 5:38 in the concordance in the back of one of my Bibles (from my Barney bag of Bibles). “Ok, I get how it can be mistaken or misquoted,” I thought, but that was it. No further research, no further study; that was it.

Since I had been hearing that phrase a lot lately I thought perhaps there was more to it than the simple misquotation or misinterpretation of one single verse (should have known since the Bible often repeats things multiple times). I went back to my concordance and found Exodus 21:24 (hmm…must have missed that the first time). Google led me to Leviticus 24:20 and Deuteronomy 19:21. So, the source of Biblical references to “an eye for an eye” is (drumroll) not one verse but four Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, Deuteronomy 19:21 andMatthew 5:38 (there are more on general revenge).

First up is Exodus 21:24 which says, “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot”. Aha! Justification for revenge! Right? Well, not exactly. Consider the verse in context of the surrounding verses. “²²If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman’s husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. ²³And if any mischief (death)[i] follow, then thou shalt give life for life, ²⁴Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, ²⁵Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.” It is not as simple as “you hurt me, I hurt you back”. This was a response to a specific event.

In accordance with other versions and commentary it says, if some bros are brawling, hurt a pregnant woman in the process and cause her to have a miscarriage but she is still alive then the offender(s) will be punished according to the husbands wishes, through the authority of a judge. (Judges protected the offender from possible excessive compensation sought by the husband)[ii]. If the woman dies then the offender will be punished appropriately. I believe that this means compensation but not necessarily physical punishment.

Keep in mind the golden rule “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”(Matthew 7:12 , Luke 6:31); in a situation like this and with respect to the golden rule, I think it would be contrary to have someone physically punish another in someone else’s stead which is most likely what was done back then. If a man’s wife was insulted or whatever may be the case, it is the man who would seek revenge not the woman who was the actual person offended. So in the situation where a pregnant bystander gets injured and miscarries, she would not be the one gouging the offender’s eye out, metaphorically speaking, (though capable; you should see some of those crime stories; scary!) it would probably be the husband or some other related male. However, and again in respect to the golden rule, it is inappropriate for me to harm someone on someone else’s behalf since I am not the one who was wronged in the first place.

I know there are other situations where God gave the go-ahead to exterminate a thief and his whole family or where battles have occurred but I am talking about one on one situations. That is why I think in this case “eye for an eye” is referring to appropriate compensation for a wrong as opposed to taking actions way beyond what you have endured. If someone is chasing me and I fall and get a concussion (true story), recover and then chase them with a hammer so they run into a wall and get a concussion (that did not happen by the way) it is overkill (and has other legal implications). Appropriate compensation would be to have them pay my medical bill or simply apologize since I was fine. Similarly consider the importance of the features as a measure of appropriate punishment or compensation. An eye is very important, damaging an eye is more significant than damaging a tooth. If someone damages my eye and I can no longer see out of it, knocking out one of the offender’s teeth is not going to satisfy me. If I accidentally burn down my neighbor’s house (also did nothappen) I cannot pay them back with just my bike.

Even the golden rule is not about revenge but how to treat others. It is not “if someone punches me, they must want to get punched too” but “if I punch someone, I should not be surprised or upset if they punch me back” (it is all in the subtleties).

There are a few other verses to get through so, [To be continued…]

[i] Mischief meant “death” in this verse. “Chapter 21.” Exodus. Hagerstown: Review and Herald, 1978. 610-619. Print. Vol. 1 of theSeventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, Ed. Francis d. Nichol. 7 vols. 1953-1978. 624

[ii] “Chapter 21.” Exodus. Hagerstown: Review and Herald, 1978. 610-619. Print. Vol. 1 of the Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, Ed. Francis d. Nichol. 7 vols. 1953-1978. 614.

Relief In Redemption

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 22:13:19 -0500

One of the Sabbath school lessons a few weeks ago was entitled “Growing in Christ”. Growth is vital to our relationship with Christ and that was the main topic but what struck me most about this lesson was the part about redemption.

I like thefreedictionary.com’s definitions of redemption as salvation from sin through Jesus’ sacrifice or deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue. I believe the second definition is the best (deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue) because it is clearer for people who do not believe as I do or understand the concepts of redemption/salvation as it relates to Christianity. I think most people know that a ransom is offered as payment to reclaim what someone else has taken. Jesus gave his life for me as a ransom so he could reclaim what was his (me) and also save me from eternal death.

So it is like this (Warning. Excessive creative liberties ahead):

Satan said, “Hey world, I got something you might like. It’s called sin, one hit and you’ll be hooked. You’ll get addicted to it but you won’t even notice because it’ll allow you to do whatever you want, whenever you want and you’ll be too busy having fun to even care.”

Everyone gets hooked on sin. Some try hard not to indulge (but they still dabble) while others go big and sin like their life depends on it. However Jesus saw the turmoil and strife sin caused.

J: Satan, your product is ruining my creation. It is killing my children.

S: Yeah, I get that but my customers are satisfied and business is booming. Regardless of your rehab programs and interventions, your people will always return to me. Besides, the FDA is cool with it.

J: How about this, I will give my life for them. I will take on the sum of their pain and suffering and die a physical death and they will no longer be subject to spiritual death as a result of sin.

S: No deal. I abhor your very existence. Shutting down my operation just to see you die a physical death after which you’ll return to your cushy kingdom and continue existing for eternity? Meh, there is nothing in it for me.

J: They will have a choice. I will die for them but I will not force them to accept my help. I will offer my hand to

S: Ok fine, but you will be cutting into my profit. However, my product is the best and your little salvation program will never be enough to shut me down. I will win this war; after all, your children are born with a taste for my sin in their mouths. MWAHAHA (evil laughter). I’ll get my marketing team to make my product even more attractive and I’ll try my best to wrench every single soul from the light of your glory not that I have to since they will continue to come to me in droves of their own free will.

J: What a pitiful being you are. Misery certainly loves company but not only will I release those willing to come from your grasp, I will destroy you in the end. You may win some battles but you will not win the war.

S: Whatever. Allow me to show you the door. As always, it has been an absolute displeasure doing business with you.

At one point I did not even know I needed saving but I realized that I could not save myself. Not only can Jesus redeem me from sin, he wants to. It is that personal. My Creator offered his life, his blood to reclaim me from the power of sin so that I will be able to spend eternity with him in his glorious kingdom and all I had to do was accept him as my Savior. Of course that does not mean I have a reserved spot in heaven, as an Adventist I do not believe in the concept of “once saved, always saved”. Part of being saved and growing in Christ is maintaining my salvation and not by scrupulous application of piety but by loving Jesus. Because I love him, my behaviors change naturally (sometimes abruptly, sometimes gradually).

The reality of it all is that living is hard. Sure things like money and power make it easier but neither of those things will do anything for the state of my soul so instead I have found relief in redemption. The beauty of redemption is that no matter how deep I sink into sin, Jesus’ hand is always extended for me to grab when am drowning.

A Prayer (4)

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:07:03 -0500

God, I’m struggling. I feel like I’m treading water but waves keep crashing down on top of me and I’m slowly sinking. You said you love me, you care for me, I am valuable to you; you said that and I believe you but that doesn’t keep me from hurting when things go wrong. It may be egotistical of me in the face of your power but I can’t help but to think it’s my fault. Right now my head is so full of “I should have done that”, “If only I had worked harder”, “I’m so stupid” and “why?” that I’m just at a loss. I thought this is what you wanted for me so why is everything so messed up? I’m trying so hard to actively trust you. I relied on me for so long; that makes it even harder to let go. I don’t know what to do and I definitely can’t fix my problems by myself so help me. If I’m not where you want me, tell me. I have no recourse, no back up plan if this doesn’t work out. All that time. Please don’t let me have wasted all that time. I’m sorry that I’m so weak but it’s just one blow after another, after another, after another. My coping mechanisms are failing Lord and I fear that one day I will lose it. You know how many times I’ve smiled when I didn’t feel like it. I want my weeping to only endure for the night and for joy to come in the morning. You said to ask and I will receive so I am asking for guidance because I don’t know which way to go. I know, I KNOW you have great things in store for me because you said that you want me to have life and have it more abundantly. I believe that in my heart but I’m shortsighted and my vision is obscured. I can’t see how you will get me from where I am now to where you want me to because only you know the way. Please God. I’m hurting right now but I believe you know what you’re doing even if I don’t have the slightest clue so please take me where you want me to go.

Precious Lord, take my hand

Lead me on,

Let me stand

I’m tired, I am weak I am worn

Through the storm, through the night

Lead me on to the light

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When my way grows drear precious Lord linger near

When my life is almost gone

Hear my cry,

Hear my call

Hold my hand lest I fall

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears and the night draws near

And the day is past and gone

At the river I stand

Guide my feet,

Hold my hand

Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Amen.

Anger Management

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 23:54:57 -0400

I have always considered myself a pretty calm, laid back, easygoing person. As a matter of fact, I can only remember two times when I have “snapped” due to anger (striking fear into those around me…just kidding…probably). However, during the course of my self-assessment, I have come to the realization that in spite of my usual passive, doormat-like meekness I am easily irritated and often short tempered especially in response to actions taken (or not taken) by other people. What made me realize this was my car. Well, not my car but my behavior while driving my car. After a grueling, three-hour commute to DC during rush hour during which I berated the drivers around me from the safety of my enclosed vehicle, I was exhausted. My jaws hurt from clenching my teeth the whole time (gave myself a headache) and my knuckles and wrists ached from gripping the steering wheel so hard. I get so tired of people cutting me off, not using signals, ignoring solid lines, tailgating and driving faster than reason should allow. Really though, no matter how much I fuss about other drivers and call them pig headed buttmonkeys, they probably do not realize they are doing anything wrong or just do not care. Allowing myself to be worked into a tizzy is just a waste of energy and emotion on my part.

That situation got me thinking about anger in general. When I think of the word “anger”, my first thought is “negative emotion”. Anger can breed or be associated with other negative emotions and ideas like hate, rage, distrust, retaliation, animosity, resentment, malice or enmity (remember that one? See Genesis 3:15). Anger can also cause one to act out of character and react in a violent or otherwise unseemly manner. I checked out what the Bible said about anger and I can say that anger is normal, even God got angry. I mean, how many times was God provoked to anger or wrath? How many times was his anger kindled against Israel alone? (a whole lot). How is it that God’s anger is displayed so often yet Psalm 103:8 and Psalm 145:8 tout how gracious, merciful, compassionate and slow to anger he is? Simple, that is where the provocation comes in. Many verses mention how longsuffering God is, like Exodus 34:6 and Numbers 14:28. Longsuffering is almost self-explanatory; one suffers for a long time (at their own expense). According to Dictionary.com, longsuffering is “enduring injury, trouble, or provocation long and patiently”. Yes God is longsuffering but that does not mean he is a pushover and that I will not be corrected (in instruction in righteousness; see II Timothy 3:16) nor does a perceived lack of action on his part mean whatever I did is acceptable.

I believe that there is a difference between my anger and God’s anger. My anger is selfish; I am angry because this happened to me, I am angry because that person did not get what I think they deserved etc. My anger is indeed negative. However, God’s anger is out of love. Just as our earthly parents discipline us (in theory) as a means to teach us about right and wrong, our Heavenly Father does the same. But what about all that smiting like in Numbers 11:1? Well in that case, to make a long story short, God rescued the Israelites from slavery but at every hardship they complained without consideration of the miracles they had witnessed repeatedly and even had the nerve to turn to idolatry provoking God to afflict them with fire. If I believe God is who he says he is (and I do) then I must also believe that he knows what he is doing. While smiting people may seem harsh and incomprehensible at times, there are two ways that I interpret it. First, God knew that those people would not have changed and had already made their decisions regarding their relationship with God. Second, God knew that if those people had been allowed to live that they would have caused others to be lost so he destroyed them out of love for those who remained. That is all just conjecture though.

Thankfully, I am not angry all of the time. Those that are chronically angry can suffer from high stress levels, high blood pressure and other health effects. The Bible also links anger with foolishness (Ecclesiastes 7:9) and suggest that being slow to anger aids in conflict resolution (Proverbs 15:18). [side note: I just opened a “proverb cookie” (let’s face it they haven’t been “fortunes” for a long time) and it says “an angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes”…mind blown]. I have done a few foolish things out of anger (and regretted it) but a time when I especially do not want to do foolish things out of anger is when I am driving. My mom prays over me before I make those tedious trips to DC (and other times too) in regards to my safety but it took me a while to realize “hey, I should pray for a calm spirit”. From the first time I prayed, it made a difference. I did get a little peeved a few times but I did not have steam blowing out of my ears like I did before.

One of the prayers that I have always liked was the Serenity Prayer (yes, the one adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous):

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Recently I found out that portion is only about a third of the whole prayer, which is just as beautiful and compelling as the shortened one. This prayer is a remedy for many spiritual ailments; restlessness, impatience, inactivity, uncertainty, sadness, control, disobedience and of course, anger. So in order to maintain my calm I will continue to pray and keep this particular prayer in mind so I can face whatever comes at me with a patient, peaceful spirit.

A Prayer (3): A Prayer for Soothing

Sat, 22 Sep 2012 00:16:34 -0400

My Lord, most worthy and high God, you are beyond precious to me and of infinite value. I humbly come before you in prayer to lay my burden at your feet. Instead of the happy, hopeful, peaceful spirit you desire for me to have, my spirit is downcast and restless.

I am angry with myself for what I cannot do and my inability to change as dramatically, drastically and as quickly as I want to. This easily frustrates me and I wonder, “What good am I. Of what use am I to anyone in this state?”

Consider my words Lord, and when you speak I will listen. I cannot do anything without you so please work in my life and rearrange anything in my life that you have to in order for me to change. Change my mind. Change my heart. Change my life. Send your Holy Spirit to comfort me in this period of anxiety and soothe my restless spirit so that I can move forward and not drown in these stagnant feelings but cling to the buoy that is your loving care and kindness.

All these things I ask of you claiming the promise that if I ask, it shall be given to me and that you hear my prayers. In your holy name I pray, amen.

Spiritual Surgery

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 00:11:06 -0400

Have you ever tried to reach for something at the back of a shelf? It is right there but you just cannot reach it because “stuff” is in the way? Sometimes that is how my relationship with God is. He is right there but I just cannot reach his outstretched hand, no matter how far I stretch because “stuff” is in the way. This situation calls for spiritual surgery in which I cut out the affected areas of my head and heart containing the “stuff” that separates me from God.

A while ago, a guest pastor at my church detailed some points (on a different topic) that fit with the concept of spiritual surgery and inspired this post. These points include: remove what makes God jealous, unconditional trust, duct tape yourself to God, unwavering obedience and rebel against the enemy.

Remove what makes God jealous; that is simple to understand but difficult to execute. I need to excise the things from my life that pull my attention away from God and cause me to deviate from his plan for my life (ultimately it is self sabotage). I think I have been doing well; some things were easy to get rid of. As I have matured mentally and spiritually, there are things that no longer appeal to me nor do I have a taste for them. However, other things seem to linger, are harder to get rid of and cause fractures in my relationship with God but that is what prayer is for (and God knows, I am working on it).

Trust unconditionally. I have never thought of myself as a control freak but my inability to let God take care of things for me proves otherwise. I often want to do what I can to help myself with my own power. The thing is…I have no power (reality check). If “stuff” is like a fracture, trust would be a cast which supports the repairing of the relationship between me and God. Without that trust, it is hard to heal and move forward. God will take care of his own and I believe that so I have to hand over the reins and let God reign in my life.

Duct tape yourself to God. I do not recommend duct tape as a surgical tool but this case is an exception. God is omnipresent; he is everywhere at once and always. Saying that I take God with me everywhere seems redundant if I believe he is omnipresent but I think acknowledging that God is omnipresent and consciously being aware of where I take God during my daily activities is different. If I was somewhere I should not be, I am testing the boundary of God’s protection. It is not that there is a physical limit to the protective coverage extended by God but regardless of whether I am covered or not, it is unreasonable to expect protection in a place that is repulsive to God. I am becoming increasingly aware of what I do and where I go because God is with me and I do not want to offend God. Imagine taking a cow to McDonald’s if you will. The cow (this is an anthropomorphic cow by the way) will probably be more than a little offended that it was brought to a place that sells its butchered, flame-broiled brethren. Duct taping myself to God actually makes it easier to stay out of trouble because I consider whether I would take God to certain places or participate in certain activities with him there beside me.

Unwavering obedience. This is the hardest by far. A lack of unwavering obedience is how we got to be in this sinful state (thanks Adam and Eve). Again, some things are easy while others are hard but it is important to make a sincere effort to obey God. Nothing in God’s word is designed to hurt us and he wants us to have the life that was originally designed for us but in order to receive it we have to get it together and do what he asks of us. I would liken unwavering obedience to gauze. Gauze helps protect wounds and keep the fluids from a wound from sticking to other surfaces just as unwavering obedience shields us from sin and keeps it at bay.

Rebel against the enemy. I am not rebellious (far from it) but if I am going to rebel who better to rebel against than Satan? Sometimes Satan whispers in my ear and provokes me to say, think or do something that I know is wrong but often I get fed up and I have to say “no”. “No, I am not going to say that”; “No, I am not going to entertain those thoughts”, and “No, I am not going to do that”. I do things that are incomprehensible to me sometimes, things that I do not even know why I do. When I step back and evaluate these things, I realize that they do not amount to anything good and all I had to do was say “no”. Satan is the silver-tongued persuader and at times he feeds me rationalizations for my wrongdoings that make me think “yeah, there is nothing wrong with that” but I know better and since I know better, I can do better. Rebelling against the enemy is like rehabilitation after the surgery, if I continue to exercise rebellion against the enemy, my spiritually feeble body will get stronger and be restored.

Infected with Jesus

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 23:03:00 -0400

I feel weird. Something is different. I think I am sick. Something has invaded my body and is changing me for the better somehow. I feel, I feel…actually, I feel great! What is this? I have never heard of a sickness that could make me feel like this. Hmm, I cannot put my finger on it so let me see what the Bible has to see about it.

Oh? What is this peculiar label on my Bible?

HEAVENLY PHARMACY

∞STRAIGHTNARROW WAY HEAVEN 00000

THE ASPIRING ADVENTIST

BIBLE 66 CH

TAKE ANY SIZE AMOUNT DAILY AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

Infinite refills

Rx # 393581

Prescriber: Jesus

Symptoms may include: random acts of kindness, turning the other cheek, loving your enemies, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, happiness, praising God, thankfulness, ability to see the silver lining and general well being

Since I have been taking this medicine, I have been suffering all of the symptoms and it has only gotten better. Apparently the solution for a Jesus infection is more Jesus and the symptoms cause me to do things Jesus would do. It is a wonderful thing and I have been worked into a fine frenzy of feverish delight.

“I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!” That is a line spoken by Christopher Walken in a Saturday Night Live sketch of which his enthusiasm for the cowbell as a musical instrument was the highlight. Me, I am not enthused by much of anything (my mom makes fun of my deadpan replies) but I do get excited about Jesus so…

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more Jesus!

The ABC's of SDA's (3)

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 09:30:57 -0400

The third SDA fundamental belief is that of God the Father. My first recollection of God the Father is that of a white-skinned, gray-haired, old man with flowing robes who watched over the world with a stern face in anticipation of hurling lightning bolts at wrongdoers (God and the Greek god Zeus were pretty similar to me back then). Never have I seen a serious religious depiction of God the Father smiling even when I googled it (Morgan Freeman came up in the image search). Yes, God has many “instant kills” under his belt but God is not just some vengeful entity smiting left and right. Imagine the patience, love, and kindness it took for God not to crumple the earth in his hands and toss it over his shoulder (swish, nothing but net). I mean, how many times did humankind disobey? It was a constant cycle of deliverance, disobedience, repentance and forgiveness yet even with those he made examples of to keep humankind on the right track, they refused and still refuse to obey. If I were in God’s position, I would have started over from scratch after Adam and Eve sinned. I imagine that if God loved us enough to allow us to live (in spite of ourselves) it must have hurt him to have to discipline those he loved so harshly. As opposed to the angry, fiery-eyed depictions of God I see him as a loving father that feels sorrow at the prospect of his children’s disobedience and their subsequent discipline at his hand.

I believe such a God is worthy to be praised. Revelation 4:11 says, “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. “ I suppose many people wonder why God created beings that he knew would ultimately be influenced by sin and anguish him with their actions repeatedly but this verse reveals that it pleased God to create us. Honestly, I am not completely satisfied with that answer so if I make it to heaven, that is something that I will look forward to asking God.

If someone asked me who this God person is, aside from the Creator, I would say God is love. He loved us before he even created us. 1 John 4:7-9 tells us that if we love, then we know God because God is love. Even those who think they do not love God know him better than they think if they have ever loved someone and God definitely knows them (great witnessing point). For a God who first loved us, is so intimately familiar with us as to know the number of hairs on our heads and loved us so much as to allow his son to die for us, it is high time we made an effort to know him.

Use Me

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 18:33:29 -0400

“I want to spread the news, that if it feels this good getting used, oh you just keep on using me, until you use me up.”

I do not know about you all, but I have old parents. Back in the day they would play songs that are now referred to as “oldies but goodies”. Yes, they’re secular songs but just because I am a Christian does not mean my secular memories were deleted (nor do I live under a rock). The line above was from a song entitled “Use Me” by Bill Withers (he also sang “Lovely Day “and “Lean on Me”). Though the song is secular, the aforementioned line is reminiscent of how I want my relationship with God to be. Simply put, I want God to use me.

Let us take a look at the word “use”. As a verb, one of its definitions is, “to bring or put into service or action”. As a noun, one of its definitions is, “the quality of being suitable or adaptable to an end” (thank you Mr. Webster). I find it amazing how appropriate these definitions are in relationship to ministry. I am in service for God and I am taking actions to show how God has blessed me. As a Christian, I should be adaptable, malleable and moldable (like clay) also for the purpose of spreading the gospel.

Being used by another person neither feels good (unless you are into that) nor does it yield any benefits to the person being used (take parasitism for example). What it often yields is feelings of anger, resentment, and embarrassment. But being used by God is a different story. When I allow God to use me, I am blessed in return and left feeling happy, grateful, and fulfilled. Of course, I have an example. Just last Sunday (July first) while still suffering the effects of the blackout, my mom and I went to a store in a different neighborhood to pick up a few things. There was a lady asking for one dollar and sixty cents so she would have enough bus fare to put her son on the bus. My mom did not have cash and I had a ten dollar bill so the lady found someone else to ask. What the lady was going to do was pay for someone’s items with her food stamps and get the dollar and sixty cents in return. After I paid for me and my mom’s stuff, I had two dollars which I offered to the lady. She seemed surprised that I was giving it to her for nothing in return and kept thanking me for my two little dollar bills. I just smiled, said “no problem” and did not think anymore of it. Lo and behold, my dad comes in Friday and slides me a twenty dollar bill (Hello President Jackson). I ended up with eighteen bucks (after tithe) and all it cost me was two.

That is a small example but the fact that I was blessed remains. I allowed God to use me to do something for someone else (instead of resisting) and I am better for it. Yeah, the lady could have been dishonest or trying to use me but I flipped it and let God use me instead. So God, keep on using me until you use me up.

Red Solo Cup

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 23:57:38 -0400

This post is about drinking. There I said it! (phew!). I have been thinking about sharing this for a while but I was scared. Well, it was not so much the drinking itself but because of the nature of my blog, I was afraid I may be seen as a hypocrite. However, I think I can help more people by talking about it regardless of how I am perceived because guess what, I am a hypocrite. There are many things I do that I know God does not like yet I blog about what I should and should not do to make God happy. Of course, I do not want to be this way and I am changing everyday so, I can only write about what I believe is right in spite of my own shortcomings. The Bible says, “all we like sheep have gone astray” (see Isaiah 53:6) and “all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (see Romans 3:23) so I know that I am not alone and that others have made the same mistake or feel just as conflicted as I do sometimes.

So, let us get down to it. I did not drink much of anything before I turned twenty one (legal age in U.S.). When I was six I had a sip of beer (gross, I never touched it again), there were a couple of cookouts where I drank out of someone’s cup thinking it was something else (on a never ending quest for Kool-aid) and rare sips as I got older. I am not sure why but the idea of social drinking or getting drunk did not appeal to me (and that was before I was baptized). I guess those Lifetime movies I had the displeasure of watching did some good after all (thanks mom). I was never a “wild child” either so even when I started college it was not an issue. As a matter of fact, I had a friend ask me if I drank. I said “no” and when he asked “why not”, I said it was because I “liked to keep my mind clear”. I mean, there are so many horror stories about roofies being slipped into someone’s drink or someone getting drunk and doing something that they cannot remember the next day.

I was so proud of myself for not drinking (amongst other things considered “normal” for college aged folks) and never thought I would. I was the introverted geek, definitely not the party type but perhaps my pride was the problem and God allowed me to fall so I would realize that I was not invulnerable to such a vice.

To put it lightly, I made a conscious decision to drink in order to drown my sorrows (that never works…not for long anyway) but I could not even do that right. Anyway, I found out that I was more social than I thought and drank whenever someone handed me an empty, red solo cup with my name on it (or “my cup”). I only drank socially so I was not crawling out of bed with a bottle in my hand or anything like that but a bad habit is a bad habit.

It has taken me about three years but after I recovered some of the sense god gave me and began to repair my damaged relationship with him, I realized that what I was trying to do by drinking was not working. Quite frankly, I found drinking pointless so I quit back in April (not so long ago right?). Just like that, cold turkey. At least, I intended to as a birthday gift to myself but I thought “why wait?” and stopped a couple of weeks earlier than planned. Unfortunately, I relapsed over Memorial Day weekend but I am glad to say that with God’s help and a lot of prayer I have quit for good and I am confident that it will no longer be an issue.

I am sure it has not been as difficult for me as it would for someone who is an alcoholic since I never developed a taste or dependence for alcohol but for me “My help cometh from the Lord” (Psalm 121:2) has never rang so true. I was poisoning my body and killing my precious brain cells (they do not regenerate you know). I feel so blessed that my love for God stopped me before I reached a point where I hurt my friends or family. I did tell my mom though I am not so sure I had to (she has some high caliber intuition sometimes) and it was hard but she was glad I told her and so was I. Most importantly, with God’s help, I have been relieved of a heavy burden and hopefully talking about it will help someone else.