Recently I lost my loan for school…and got it back. It is a pretty unremarkable statement (and I do say so myself) but what IS remarkable is how the story unfolds and what a wonderful God I serve.
Before starting grad school, I set up a gmail account (for my professional self) only to realize that my school also uses gmail for student email. Instead of using both, I set it up so that my school mail would be automatically sent to my personal gmail account. Well, it worked seamlessly, until I updated my personal account and it changed my settings. At that point I was strangely getting some of my school mail but not all of it. I could only stare at my screen in horror when I logged in to my school account and saw just how much mail I missed especially the one titled “IMPORTANT - DATE SENSITIVE INFORMATION” from 1/31/12 (I read it on 2/15/12). Apparently, I made an error on a form indicating that I would be taking twelve credits in the spring but I had only registered for nine. Well that solved the mystery of why I did not get a refund check, my loan simply had not been distributed (and interest for the late payment was piling up on my school account). The deadline to correct the error…2/21. My first thought was, “thank God the due date has not passed!” my second thought was “that was really close”.
The next day I rushed over to the financial aid office to fill out a new form, turned it in and was told that it would take two weeks for my loan to be distributed. Now perhaps I misunderstood something but I was sure that by turning my form in before the due date, everything would work out fine so imagine my surprise when I get another email on 2/24 saying that my loan had been canceled. I appropriately freaked out. It felt like my heart stopped and I was terrified. All I could think was: What am I going to do? Will I have to quit school? How am I going to explain this to my parents? How could I have been so stupid? Is this all my fault? This is all my fault. If only…
I was scared but I prayed. I told God that I had no clue what was going on or how to fix it but I needed help. Of course, the email was sent on a Friday (worst day ever to attempt to accomplish anything at school) and I do not remember why but I could not make it to the financial aid office before they closed so I had the whole weekend to worry and pray. At some point I realized that I had nothing to worry about at all because God did not bring me this far to leave me. Monday morning I rushed over to the financial aid office and I was told some excuse about a mix up concerning dates and that I had to fill out a different form to reinstate my loan blah blah blah and it would be processed. Everything worked out in a few weeks and I got my loan reinstated but looking back, I realized the whole shebang was over a single digit (yards of red tape for one digit!).
I had a hard time but I think perhaps God was trying to get me to see that as much as I would like to, I do not have it all together but he does. He could have also been reminding me to ask for his help as opposed to attempting to do everything with my own power. God wants me to rely on him and trust that he has good things in store for me even if I have to struggle a bit. I might not get that shiny new Camaro just by asking (especially if it is not necessary) but it is important to remember that God is always there for me. After all, he says inMatthew 7:7-8 and Luke 11:9-10, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”